I knew the day would come.  But I had no idea it would catch me so off guard when it did.  Just a few days into the near year, while feeling hopeful and optimistic about 2025, I received my first book rejection! And the kicker is, I didn’t even have to try for it. Unlike most publishing rejections dolled out like candy to writers seeking an agent or submitting to a publisher, my rejection came unsolicited.  

Million Dollar Advice

I was so excited to share my little book idea with one of my favorite writers in the world. She’ll remain nameless here’, but if you’re subscribed to my newsletter, you know who she is.  I planned to have a coaching session with her and gain advice on succeeding as a blogger and writer. I was so confident in the process that I was willing to fork over $850  in exchange for thirty minutes – that’s right, thirty minutes – of her time.  It was a small price to pay to make my dreams happen. 

We started the session, and I jumped right in with no time to waste.  I explained my goals to her and asked two specific questions. “How can I grow my blog community?” and “What is the process for acquiring an agent?”  

In response, the coach asked about my book.  

“It would be a follow-up to my blog, sharing the lessons and laughs of my journey to go on 100 dates to find the love of my life. It’s a story about resilience, love, and life.”

I explained the theory behind my challenge and how resilience plus repetition is the key to success in any goal.  Surely she would understand, given that she’d been turned down eleven times before an agent accepted her first New York Times bestselling book.  I also shared my desire to leave single women like me feeling inspired, seen, and understood. 

And then she hit me with it. 

The Worst Kind of Rejection

“I’m transitioning into representing writers as an agent. I would not be interested in this book.”

She went on to share all the reasons why she believed my story would not interest anyone.

And as if that blow wasn’t painful enough, she proceeded to dig the knife in further.

“I’m not single, but if I were, I would not want to read this book.”

Bruh, I didn’t even ask you all that. I thought to myself.

“But you’re not single,” I retorted.  “A number of single women subscribe to my blog, and they find value in it.”

“Even if I were single, I would not be interested in this book. When I was in my twenties, I would not have wanted to pick up this book.” She twisted the knife. 

I will spare you the rest of the details, but to make a long story short, I spent twenty of my thirty $850 minutes trying to defend my vision and why I believed it was worthy.  

In my eyes, this was the worst kind of rejection.  How was I turned down from an opportunity I hadn’t even asked for? It’s like being rejected by a man you were never really interested in, to begin with — painful and unnecessary. 

A showdown with doubt

Needless to say, this was not what I’d paid for. Not only had I not gained the information I sought, but I also walked away with a bit more doubt than I started with – doubt I could’ve gotten for free through some other angle much less expensive.

Maybe no one really wants to read this story.

It might be depressing to see all of my dating setbacks.

It’s probably boring to read failed date, after failed date.

The negative thoughts began to have a field day.

But rather than sitting back and succumbing to the negative thoughts, I returned to the lines I’d written when I first launched my blog in 2023. 

“True success grows in the soil of volume.  From the volume of applications required to land that dream job, the volume of days spent in the gym to see muscle gains, or the volume of people you must date to find love, many of us won’t put in the reps and give up before success is realized.”

I would have to eat my own words.  Even if I wanted to throw in the towel now, I couldn’t. This rejection would have to be a part of my growth. As a matter of fact, like other wildly successful writers, perhaps it would be the first step towards my success.

J.K. Rowling is said to have hung all her rejection letters on her wall as a reminder to persist.  Apparently, twelve different publishers turned down her manuscript before it was accepted. One even told her to take a writing course.  

As of February 2023, 600 million copies of Harry Potter have been sold worldwide. It seems her writing was just fine after all. . . 

A few of my subscribers to 100 Dates in Houston have commented, asking how I remain invested in the dating game after so many setbacks and disappointments. I will do my best to answer that question as practically as possible.  There’s nothing more annoying than having a real problem and getting theoretical, philosophical advice. Nah. Tell me what to do! 

So here’s some practical advice on how to stay in the game -be it love or life – when failure doesn’t seem to loosen its grip. 

Just Keep Swimming

Identify your cheerleaders

When the book coach pooh-poohed all over my dreams, the first thing I did was reach out to my support system. These are the people who believe in my work and believe in me. I called my best friend, Loriel, who’s always down for my shenanigans.  She encouraged me to start this blog when I called her with the idea of going on one hundred dates and documenting the journey.  

Loriel is naturally optimistic and resilient – another reason she’s on my cheer squad.  She received the rejection with an attitude of excitement.

“Yes, keep going!”

I called another cheerleader. My ride or die, also known as Osteen Rodriguez — my mother.

“That’s ok. Now, you keep going. You’re an amazing writer. One monkey don’t stop no show.” 

 With one rejection under my belt, it was almost as if I could now officially claim to be a writer. And my cheerleaders helped me realize it. 

Your support system will be the people who refuse to let you quit when the disappointment of failure rises to the surface.  They will remind you of who you are when things get tough. As with support groups in the mental health world, they may even be people who are also going on a similar journey. 

Science backs my position.  According to psychoneuroimmunology – the study of how psychological processes, the nervous system, and the immune system interact – both emotional and physical pain can be mitigated through community. Studies even report that social support reduces both inflammation and chronic pain.  

I will shout this to the grave. PEOPLE NEED PEOPLE.  And we especially need people when we’re attempting to do hard things. If you don’t have a support system of cheerleaders and you’re trying to do something big, get one!

Set a high failure goal.

Back in 2009, I participated in a little competition called Miss New Jersey USA. As a little girl, year after year, my mother and I would watch The Miss USA pageant when it aired live on TV. It was a lifelong dream of mine to one day join the competition myself. In 2009, I made it happen. I competed against 110 other young women, took home the crown, and changed my life. Here’s a clip in case you’re curious.

But that’s only one part of the story.  What many people don’t know is I also competed in 2008.  That year, not only did I lose the competition, but I didn’t even place in the top 15. After sulking for a while and lamenting over the thousands of dollars spent to compete, I vowed to return the following year and compete again.  In fact, I told myself that I had seven more years of eligibility. If it took competing all seven years to win, that’s what I would do. 

I set a high failure goal for myself and refused to quit before hitting that number. It didn’t matter how I felt. If it took me seven fails before I finally received the glory of victory, that’s what I was prepared to do – because I wanted the crown that bad.

The idea of going on 100 dates to connect with the love of my life is based on a similar concept.  If It takes me 99 dates before we find each other, so be it! But I will not give up before I reach that number.

A  failure goal provides something tangible to work towards. It keeps you focused on your word despite your feelings. Whenever disappointment prompts you to give up, it reminds you of your commitment to yourself and to your desired outcome.  

Do it for the plot!

Honestly, this is my favorite tip of the three. My Gen Alpha goddaughter introduced the phrase to me a few months back, and now I’ve adopted it as my 2025 motto.

The truth is, not every date you have will amount to a relationship. Most will not. Not every interview will result in a job.  And not every creative pursuit will result in success.  

But if you keep going, I promise they will all become a part of a bomb-ass plot!

Sure, some people only had to try one time. They succeeded right away and had very few setbacks. But those people are few and far between – and their stories ain’t as juicy! 

I would have never given my readers the stories of Mr. Fifty Fifty or The Blasian Man had I given up ten dates in.  You see, life becomes spicy when you stop focusing so much on success and start doing things out of curiosity and the thrill of the journey.

Rather than expecting results with each step towards a new goal, try things for the fun of it. Experiment. Be curious. 

Apply to the job even though you don’t meet one hundred percent of the qualifications. Approach the most beautiful man in the room. Send 100 emails to your dream company until someone replies. Go out with a much older man – or a much younger one. Do it for the plot!

I’m not encouraging reckless behavior.  Nor am I suggesting you squander your precious time. What I’m suggesting is a shift in attitude and mindset.

Life has so many beautiful experiences to offer.  We miss many of them when we play it safe, only acting when we’re 100% sure of success. Loosen up a bit. Shift your focus from succeeding to having fun, learning, and growing — success will come. 

I’ve been on nearly 40 dates in a year and a half.  While I haven’t met my husband, I’ve been to some of the best coffee houses in Houston and dined at some of the most amazing restaurants. I had a beautiful time in New Orleans. I’ve been to plays and played outside. I’ve met some interesting men – one who qualifies as a literal genuis. And best of all, I’ve learned so much along the way.  My life is richer because I’m going on a journey. 

You’re the main character in the story of your life. Make your plot a beautiful one! 

If you know someone who needs a little encouragement in the face of failure, setbacks, or rejection, be their cheerleader and share this post with them! And if you find value here in this community, feel free to tap the “Buy me a coffee button”. Help me recoup some of that $850 🙃!